Steven Carter, with Julia Sokol
Getting to Commitment My boyfriend was (is?) a text-book commitment-phobe. Another of the authors' books, "He's scared, she's scared," helped us both recognize the symptoms for what they were, but that book didn't offer any solutions. Finally, with this book, my boyfriend learned how to work with his fears and happily stay in our relationship. Between the two books he learned his triggers, his reactions, and how to remain calm in the face of them. We have now been together over 3 years and are having a fantastic relationship! I strongly recommend this book to anyone who is a commitment-phobe but who recognizes they are, yet truly wants a committed relationship.~J.B.
READER'S COMMENTS ON Getting to Commitment
Mr. Steven Carter has lots of great insights
into relationship dynamics, presented here in easy-to-understand language,
and without overdoing the psychological perspectives. A rather simple, yet
very informative read. Lots of questions are answered: Why do some people
rush into relationships? How do people find themselves in abusive relationships?
Why do people who desperately seek commitment have trouble finding it? The
answers are here, and Carter helps the reader work on themselves, so they
can find the love they want. It empowers the reader, giving them choices,
and noting that love is a process, not an answer. His main points emphasize
that the reader stand up for what they believe in and want in relationships,
and not settle for less, and always to take it slow. Lots of info here, looking
forward to the next Carter report.~A Reader
I am a female in and out of a relationship with a man that has severe anxiety and has bailed out on me several times. This book has given me insight on why he is doing this and what part I may be playing into this scenario. I have identified what I need to work on in myself and can see what he needs to do to face his fears. I believe that counseling is a must but the book can serve a purpose in that it brings to light obstacles that are put in the way of actully connecting in a real way to another person. I found this book enlightening especially since it was written by a man that had the same issues and has overcome them and now is happily married.~A Reader
5 stars doesn't begin to desribe how accurate and useful this book was. As I read it I got clammy and weak kneed becasue it PERFECTLY described someone I'd been with and it answered about a million questions I had about his bizzare change of behavior. It was eerily frigthening how accurate this book was in describing my ex. One day I was the air that the breathed and the next day he wasn't sure how he felt about me, literally. What I learned is to trust my gut feeling no matter what. HIGHLY recommnded for any woman who's getting to know a man who seems too good to be true or one who has something she can't quite put her finger on. Commitment phobia is probably that "thing"~A Reader
Steven Carter definitely knows this subject first hand and it shows. As a woman who has dated more than one commitmentphobic, it's helpful to understand why many men can't commit.I particularly liked the examples of the conflicts between the couples throughout the book. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to make a commitment but can't figure themselves out or to anyone frustrated by a noncommital mate. Learning to deal with reality versus fantasy and fear is really highlighted.~A Reader
I have had three commitmentphobic relationships in my life, the
last one being the hardest. I wanted to understand why it happened, how to
stop the patterns etc and bought as many Steven Carter books as I could on
the subject. I read this book some 3 months or so ago. I feel it is a book
written more for the commitmentphobic than for the passive partner. Steven
explains the behaviourism of commimentphobics and offers some advice in how
they can stop the behaviour but doesn't explain how they can do it and Steven
didn't really give much detail of his own case history as an example, which
I was hoping for.
My first introduction to Steven Carter was his book "He's Scared, She's Scared" which a friend recommended to me upon the dissolution of a relationship. While that book was a great help, it wasn't strong on what to do about it. That is where this book excels. Like many psychological issues, it is not a matter of whether or not we have the condition, it is only a matter of degree. Getting to Commitment has helped me identify my trigger points for commitmentphobia (fear of commitment) and how to manage them. By taking self-responsibility I am able to deepen intimacy in my life. This book would be helpful to anyone seeking to improve or work on relationships.~A Reader
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